Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
