so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
