cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
