Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
