If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
where are my eyebrows?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
