I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
ttyl tear gas
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
