Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
