Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
