One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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