Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
