Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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