that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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