Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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