Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
