My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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