he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
