last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I want her autograph on my taint
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
