I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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