You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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