How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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