I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
