Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
