Porn is love you can see.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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