the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
