i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
