I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
