so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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