Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
