She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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