so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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