Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
