If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
