jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
