i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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