Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
