Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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