So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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