People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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