so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The uberlube is also flammable
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
