WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
