The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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