Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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