i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
