I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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