Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
