I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
