I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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