This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
