Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
