The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
