She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
