Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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