Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize