About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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