sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
