I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
