the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
