Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
