I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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