he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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