Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
