I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
