We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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