Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
