My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
