The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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