someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
