I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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