blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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