Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
