Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
