this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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